Anonymous Outsider

2004-05-16T21:47:00.000-04:00

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2004-05-14T16:30:00.000-04:00

Breaking News

After two weeks of vehemently defending his actions in publishing questionable photos of abuses of Iraqi prisoners by British "squaddies," Daily Mirror editor, Piers Morgan, has stepped down.

"Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan has stepped down after admitting that the pictures of soldiers abusing Iraqis were a 'calculated and malicious hoax.'"

2004-05-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

Paris Hilton told her stylist that Australian Idol contestant, Robert Mills, performed oral sex on her forty times in one night. No wonder why Australia is her favorite vacation spot (it really is). (Popbitch)

Train wreck, Courtney Love, gave an impromptu press conference in the ladies room of a Manhattan courthouse. She told reporters "If I'm addicted to anything, it's nicotine." During her hearing she rambled to the judge incoherently, "This is God saying you do not sleep with married men." What do you mean she's not ready to have custody of her daughter, you Fascist? (NYDN)

Alex Polier is set to cash in on her 7 1/2 minutes of fame by writing an essay for New York mag about "her experiences at the center of a political firestorm." Her fee? $10,000. (Lloyd Grove)

The East Hampton club Resort is selling time share to private cabanas for ten grand this summer. Perks include "a bodyguard, photographer and masseuse." All for ten G's. That's it? Count me in. (Page Six)

Dry-humping is the new black. First, Mischa Barton and bf got into it in front of throngs of music fans at Coachella, now, Britney and white trash fucktoy d'jour, Kevin Federline, were spotted getting into it in Sweden. (Rush & Molloy)

2004-05-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

A.O. Would Know

Ditzy starfucker Jerry Hall versus Yoko Ono cast as Lady Macbeth. Mark Jacobson spins an entertaining yarn, but we can’t decide if this is a total crackup or just totally pathetic. Also, how is it possible that Sean gets so many chicks? And what happened to Leelee, anyway?

2004-05-13T09:47:00.000-04:00

C.C. Role Model

In high school, we thought Anita Pallenberg was the ultra cool one, but Marianne Faithfull is the real deal.

2004-05-13T09:45:00.000-04:00

Missed Opportunity

Roberta Smith’s tract on the most recent spate of art vandalism falls a bit short of the mark. Props to the Times, though, for supporting this sort of think piece.

2004-05-13T09:44:00.000-04:00

Technicolor Sprawl

“Mall of America, the biggest in the United States and the most potent tourist attraction in all of Minnesota, may have looked good on the drawing board. But it has aged badly since it opened in August 1992. You can see stains on the outside of the building, and grass has begun to poke through the asphalt of the parking lots. It is huge and unsightly. You can’t imagine Disney World or the Statue of Liberty being allowed to decay this way. Yet this mall has more visitors than Disney World, Graceland, and the Grand Canyon combined.”

Sandra Tsing Loh reviews Call of the Mall by Paco Underhill (Simon & Schuster).

2004-05-12T14:38:00.000-04:00

While Lecturing her Students on the Bullying Bush's Occupation of a Beautiful and Exotic -- but Neglected and Misunderstood -- Country for its Precious Fluid...

"I was teaching a class on imperialism," she continued, "and I was delivering all this material that was kind of new and upsetting, and everyone was getting all worked up and upset, and I was getting all worked up and upset, and all of a sudden, all I wanted to do was flash my underwear! It was crazy," (2nd item)

2004-05-12T12:47:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip (While We Guzzle Corona)

Don Johnson, Eighties icon extraordinaire, is reportedly so strapped for cash that he can't even afford groceries. The London Evening Standard is kind enough to detail some of the actor's outstanding debts, which include, around $1,000 to the Isberian Rug Co. Just substitute the phrase "Isberian Rug," with "Peruvian Flake" and you'll have a good idea of what's going on. (London Evening Standard)

"It" kid Fabian Basabe can't seem to make much headway in the pan-European marathon, a 3,000 mile car race, because he can't resist "'stopping in every city along the way to shop.'" Does he drive with his foot on the brake as well? (Rush & Molloy--3rd item)

Lindsay Lohan's rep, responds to the rumors about her client receiving a boob job with utter disbelief and moral outrage, "I find this rumor perverse, and the fact that she's 17 is bordering on pedophilia." Heh, nice. (Rush & Molloy--2nd item)

Russell Simmons defends his wife, Kimora, from charges of diva-ish antics by calling her a "hard-working mother of two." Hey, c'mon, you think it's easy beating your servants with a leather strop all day long?

Page Six is set become a TV show called "Rock Squad," with the first episode focusing on a Paris Hilton type character being found, drug-addled, in a "compromising position," by Paula Froelich. Spill, Page Six, spill.

Ashley Olsen lost her virginity to ex-bf Matt Kaplan, but dumped him because he was "overbearing" and jealous. Also, David Katzenberg, is two-timing his girlfriend, the other, skinny sister. It's a quandary. Should he stay with Mary-Kate and cut himself on her pelvic bone every time they hit skins, or should he cut his losses? The poor little rich dears and their problems. (Page Six--items 5, 9, and 10, respectively)

2004-05-12T12:22:00.000-04:00

Get On Board, Kids

"I may run for the office of the president. I'll have a slogan on billboards all over the country: 'Gimme a bottle and a glass and I'll get American off its ass.'"
—Frank Sinatra

While we’re looking for the appropriate candidate to execute the chairman of the board’s sentiments, the GOP spin machine is recruiting members from a very tender age.

2004-05-12T10:26:00.000-04:00

Did You Ever Ask Yourself: What the Hell is Julianne Moore Doing on the Cover of VF Again?

The LA Times and the NY Times are both set to run stories that allege Graydon Carter is benefiting financially by his ties to Hollywood, LA Weekly is reporting. Michael Cieply, of the LAT, claims to have "'six cases already'" of Carter taking money from moguls. The payoffs seem especially to revolve around which Hollywood star gets placed on the cover of the once highly esteemed mag. But, really, if Carter uses celebrity "journalism" to offset the cost of running harder-hitting stuff does the magazine really suffer? Certainly, that precedent was set by Tina Brown, twenty years ago. Whether or not the practice hurts the movie biz, however, is another story.

2004-05-11T16:40:00.000-04:00

Runge's Secret-Police Background is No Biggy

Conde Naste has released a press release in which Chairman, Jonathan Newhouse, "expresses confidence" in his lieutenant, Bernd Runge. The statement is in response to the latter being accused of spying for the East-German secret police force, STASI. Newhouse, who is his father's heir-apparent, dismisses the claims (without denying them) as having no "relevance to (Runge's) career at Condé Nast." Perhaps, his stint in the East-German equivalent to the KGB helped Runge get the job.
Pulling out all the stops, Conde Naste also touts out Runge's sister, who is believed to have been turned in by Runge. Here she is responds to the Der Spiegal article, "Herewith the impression is given that my brother betrayed me. This is absolutely incorrect." Runge's STASI handle was "schnuffler" or "nosy-parker." So, when is Hitchens KGB file going to be released? No, just kidding, Hitchens was a Trotskyite. (Press Release) (FWD)

2004-05-11T15:52:00.000-04:00

The Sun Must be Getting to Me

When I first started this blog, my main focus was taking the Republican spin machine and especially their foot soldiers in the media to task for spreading misinformation and baseless propaganda. However, since almost everything these phony journalists say and write are distortions, outright lies and Rove’s talking points, it quickly became redundant.

I am constantly amazed that Conservative columnists, pundits and talk-show hosts, who compare Liberals to Communists at every turn, act so much like Bolsheviks. Like Bolsheviks, the GOP has party discipline; they have an intellectual wing and a rabble-rousing wing – think Jonah Goldberg and Sean Hannitty, respectively -- that skew the party’s message to fit their respective audiences. Now, David Broder, a self-proclaimed former Conservative “hit-man,” who, like Whittaker Chambers (a communist who became a cold warrior) before him, has become an effective tool for his former adversaries, has introduced another way the GOP propagandists are like Commies: cradle-to-grave job security. In Broder’s words, Conservatives have, “every financial incentive in the world to stay in the conservative movement forever.” Serving big business, that’s where the money is. Next time you see Bill Safire on the street, decked out in his rumpled cords, call out loudly, “I thought Joseph Brodsky was dead!”

Now, in a new book, “The Mighty Windbags,” Broder explains how the Conservative “Noise Machine” came to run the media with the help of a passive, overly self-conscious Liberal “media elite.” So, what can be done? I have thought for a long time that Liberal journos have to get over themselves. They have to put aside their childish notions of objectivity and be willing to tell people what to think. That’s what people want – answers, not nuance. This whole idea of journalistic objectivity only goes back thirty or forty years and is based on myth. The myth is expressed by the hagiography of Ben Bradlee, Woodward and Bernstein; I mean, you don’t think said triumvirate wanted to take down Nixon? Of course, they did.

Now the Left has a similarly explosive scandal to go after another super-secretive, dangerous administration. They have to be willing to use it. Attack Bush on Iraq, attack Bush on his Vietnam service, attack Bush on prisoner abuses, ties to Halliburton. Otherwise, Kerry could lose the election on the controversy surrounding his Vietnam medals (because the GOP assassins have no such ethical compunction), and wouldn’t that suck? Victory is too important to let the sanctity of a phony ideal get in its way. (Salon) (Daily Emerald)

2004-05-11T13:10:00.000-04:00

Easy Target

“Worst of all, state officials say, many shooters do not retrieve all the fish they kill. They leave behind fish they cannot find or do not want to wade after and fish that exceed the state's five-pike-a-day limit or fall under the 20-inch minimum length for northern pike. Mr. Marcelle recently found 18 dead fish left to rot.”

This must have something to do with inbreeding, right?

2004-05-11T12:03:00.000-04:00

A Chance to Meet One of Those Heinz Hotties

Okay, who’s going to Boston?

2004-05-11T12:02:00.000-04:00

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Charlie Finch slams Mary Boone’s respective uptown and downtown shows of Peter Halley and Hilary Harkness. Although we’re inclined to agree with his assessment that Halley’s new prison pieces phone it in, we have to admit we like Harkness’s take on mean girls. But, Charlie knows better.

2004-05-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

Hello, Iberia?

It appears Barcelona is the place to be. In addition to the opening of the 2004 Forum, a four-month global conference, a new Herzog and de Meuron building now enhances the city’s Gaudi fabulousness. We’ll hit town just before P.J. Harvey’s show on May 29. You’ll find us in a bare-bulb-and-floor-boards bar in the Barrio Chino, sitting at a table on the back wall with a bottle of Vittel, a sugar cube, a fork, and a glass of sweet, sweet green.

2004-05-11T09:59:00.000-04:00

Mined Gosssip

Conrad Black and his wife, Aimee, billed Hollinger "$90,000 to refurbish a 1958 Silver Wraith Rolls-Royce." The duo also billed the corporation for their household staff including "chefs, senior butlers, butlers, under-butlers, chauffeurs and footmen." Under-butlers? Footmen? Well, you don't expect a "lord" to open and close his own door, do you? Do you? (London Times--Subscription)

Noel Gallagher and ex-Stone Roses singer, Ian Brown, have recorded a track together. Eighties and Nineties unite! You have nothing to lose, except being so fucking over. (Sun--2nd item)

Kick 'em when there down -- disgraced former CNN producer, Jim Miller, is now being charged with hitting his wife. Page Six also reported the first scandal to rock Miller, being forced to resign from CNN for making "inappropriate comments." (Page Six)

Packer Collegiate has banned its kids from mentioning their "country houses." The tony school insists that the kids, "instead of saying things like, 'What I did at my country house' - to ask, 'What did I learn last weekend?'" C'mon guys, at that rate, a pecking order might never be established. (Lloyd Grove--2nd item)

Prince Charles and Jay-Z are both into "hip-hop," and "opulent bling-bling." Yes, indeed, but are they both "From the dope spot, with the smoke Glock, fleein the murder scene?" We think not. (Rush & Molloy--5th item)

2004-05-10T12:05:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

BFF's Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie aren't speaking or something. They like to give each other the silent treatment. Maybe, it's because they have nothing to say?

Ricky Martin is being sued by a former manager, Alfred Medina, because he failed to love er--live up to, rather, a contract. Sixty-three million buckaroos, pack that in your bong and smoke it, but seriously, that's a big fucking number.

Scarlett Johansen admits to "making out or having sex or something," with freebase loving actor, Benicio Del Toro (check our archives), in an elevator. Maybe SAG should make sure their young stars have a baseline proficiency in language, you know, like the NCAA -- they either learn to be vaguely coherent or they're not allowed to act. Actually, forget it; five million dollars in tutors and we'd never get to see Lindsay Lohan's rack. (Page Six--2nd, 10th, and 11th items, respectively)

Mariah Carey scared off a male suitor at the Marquee when she hiked up her skirt and flashed her fleshy thighs. Mariah Carey? It rings a bell, oh yeah, that crazy chick. So, are gossip writers just camping out under the tables over at the Marquee? There seems to be an awful lot of items that come out of that place, that's all we're saying. (Elisa Lipsky-Karasz {Sunday})

Keanu Reeves hooks back up with old flame Autumn Macintosh. Yeah, really? Oh, okay. (3AM)

Macaulay Culkin to write an Edmund Morris styled meditation on, well, himself. The book's treatment promises to deal with Culkin's "quest to come to terms with the awesome pressures of childhood megastardom and family dysfunction." Can we order twenty copies, like right now? We can't fucking wait! In other news, David Foster Wallace just jumped out of a window. (Lloyd Grove)

2004-05-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

The Gin for Vodka Drinkers

In our dreams, the pool house is illuminated with these.

2004-05-10T11:28:00.000-04:00

Exactly Why We Learned the Book Rules for Blackjack

On our first trip to Las Vegas, we were fairly naïve about gambling. After losing a hundred bucks in about 20 seconds at a roulette table, we settled in front of a slot machine and proceeded to turn into one of the drooling masses with silver-grey-ed fingers that are key to filling the casino coffers to the tune of some $30 billion a year. We were amazed at how difficult it was to stop feeding the slots and how easy it was to establish an affinity for one sort of machine, believing it was the only type that would yield a jackpot. This week’s New York Time Magazine cover story gave us a little relief regarding our weakness, as it exposes the fact that contemporary slot machines are intentionally designed to be the “crack cocaine of gambling.”

Epilogue
On our next trip west, we went to school for about an hour with a friendly dealer at a Blackjack table and learned the book rules. We’re pleased to say on our last outing to Sin City we walked away from the weekend $500 ahead of our outlay. We’d like to tell you about the fabulous piece of designer clothing that hangs in our closet as a reminder of our gambling prowess. But we’re pretty certain we spent the winnings on cabs.

2004-05-10T11:22:00.000-04:00

You Can Make a Difference

The New York Times Style editors came in a bit late with yesterday’s piece on the live Pac-Man phenom. It’s our understanding this story hit the Web seven days ago, so what’s with the Page 1 treatment? If the nation’s paper of record is going to mine the blogsphere like this, Steve Outing and his Poynter pals are going to have to think twice about whether or not blogging is going to affect the face of journalism.

2004-05-10T11:19:00.000-04:00

Attitude Adjustment

Speaking of the ephemeral, our regular pursuit of transitory visceral states seems to have been the deciding factor in which live shows we have attended in the last few months. At recent Belle and Sebastian and Air performances, the low-key, ambient nature of both bands were heightened by some of the most amazing light shows we have ever seen. These designers are producing some seriously trippy shit, and it’s an experience we sometimes wish we could reproduce at will.

Fortunately, the Aluminum Group has done just that in a cool little Flash movie. This is required viewing for anyone who has just emerged from one of those brain-draining bureaucratic meetings that causes us to think we’re members of the trench-coat mafia. Spur the action by clicking on the animated tablets, which are, of course, Valium. Enjoy.

Okay, now that we’ve lauded the AG’s artistic pretensions, we have to admit their show on Saturday fucking sucked. Listen boys, stop spending so much time getting fitted for your Prada suits for the stage and have a few rehearsals. We actually left the show early, which we have to say is a first for a band we actually sought to see. We’re sorry we didn’t drag ourselves away from our heated cocktail conversation on Friday to make the Peaches show. From what we hear, that’s an experience that can change your life.

2004-05-10T11:11:00.000-04:00

That Dopetastic C. C.

While we realize regular readers of Anonymous Outsider have come to expect pithy recaps of the day’s gossip as well as breaking news, we must reluctantly admit we are not nearly as talented at reading between the celebrity headlines as your regular poster A.O., nor do we have his contacts.

(In truth, however, we’re only interested in one star story, and that would be exactly when our number one supine fantasy, Mr. Brad Pitt, is back on the market. Our degree of separation from said Adonis currently stands at three—a situation we are looking to improve with ongoing tenacity.)

Hence, we bring you the most entertaining bit of Internet ephemera we recently received from our own deadly viper squad. This came across our desktop last week, and we apologize if it’s made the rounds, but it’s a goodie and always worth another look.

Check it.

2004-05-07T19:36:00.000-04:00

More Boring Crap from That Cultured Chick

Bowing to Choire’s discerning insider art sensibilities, we checked out Stewart Waltzer’s auction reports on ArtNet. While we are fans of the snarky irreverence Waltzer’s prose manifests, we are still inclined toward Carol Vogel’s straightforward daily news reportage—at least when it comes to auctions. (We’d love it, though, if someone would disclose why Sotheby’s gets such favored-child treatment by Vogel over the oft-neglected Christie’s.) Still, we laud ArtNet publisher Walter Robinson’s patronage of stylistically impudent voices who tell it like it played. That said, we wish there were a whole hell of a lot more of art-world persona non grata Charlie Finch’s perspective either on Robinson’s virtual pages or in real-world black and white.

2004-05-07T12:06:00.000-04:00

After Anna and Plum had Proclaimed the Good News to This City...*

"So what are the essentials of looking good New York-style? Mostly, it seems to be down to what you do with your hair, wherever it grows. And, leaving aside the waterfall that should flow between your shoulder blades, less is definitely more."

Also, see London "It" girls stack up against New York "It" girls. (But, Serafina--new and hip?)

2004-05-07T11:10:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip (and a Quick Word)

Okay, sports fans, this is probably it for us until next Wednesday. We will probably, however, check in with this feature. Because, you know, what the hell would you all do without it -- read these shitty ass gossip columns that we recap? In the meantime, it's going to get awfully intelligent around here, with our guest nigga being into very high-brow subject matter and shit. It might get so bad that you will be crying out for the downmarket drivel that we dish out on a regular basis. Also, this (Nice, huh?) has been in the cue for quite a while now, and will finally be launched sometime next week.

Vanity Fair employees kicked out a scribe for the NY Times from one of its super-secret glitterati parties. Evidently, the incident was noted in yesterday's "Boldface Names" column, but we missed it because, well, we just don't read the column, it's kinda lame. (Roger Friedman)

Heidi Klum left a bizarre message on her homepage "from" her newborn baby girl. It reportedly reads, "hey, could this ugly motherfucker really be my Daddy?" No, just kidding, it says: "They tell me I'm a very pretty child and having tasted the best nourishment in the world I am very tired and just want to sleep." Awww, actually, we can't get all snarky with that, it's sweet as sugar. (3AM)

Harper's Bazaar editor, Glenda Bailey, finally throws a bash and it turns out to be a "shill for her boyfriend," fashionistas are grousing. Kind of makes sense, doesn't it? Anyway, Harper's is experiencing a brain-drain lately, losing talent to other mags. Wait, Harper's Bazaar, what's that? Some kind of literary thingy, isn't it? (Page Six)

Jay-Z and Beyonce were married secretly in the islands, Page Six reports. We reported it months ago. It's so far back in our archives that were not even going to look for it. Also, Trump's wedding might be a year away. Is Melanoma Knauss being tested, or something? (7th, 8th items respectively)

Donald Trump cops to thinking Rob Lowe is "the most beautiful guy I've ever seen." God, Trump is even all late-eighties when he's being gay! (Lloyd Grove--last item)

2004-05-07T10:40:00.000-04:00

Piers Morgan -- a Gentleman by any Estimation

Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan's take on what Naomi Campbell's libel victory against his paper, the Daily Mirror, means for society:
"This is a very good day for lying, drug-abusing prima donnas who want to have their cake with the media, and the right to then shamelessly guzzle it with their Cristal champagne."

2004-05-06T13:28:00.000-04:00

A Note from That Cursing Chick

We’ve been swearing a lot on the Internet today, and we must apologize to anyone out there whose delicate sensibilities we may have offended or any remarks we were too slow to get. We seem to be experiencing a certain belligerence that we suspect has quite a lot to do with the nature of last night’s intoxicants. An all-too-common excuse (see below), no doubt, but we’re somewhat proud to wield such a classic banner, and have to admit look forward to hoisting it again.

Although we can barely get past the headlines today, this account of last night’s Sotheby’s sale made us wish we were Carol Vogel. We’d also like to note that headlines like this do not happen by accident. Why do you think the sports desk loves it so much when Tiger Wood wins a tourney?

2004-05-06T11:42:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip: Magazine/What Guys Will Do For Pussy Edition

Gotham mag (not on web) has an incredibly elaborate blind item pointing to a tell-all book that might be coming down the pike from one of JFK Jr.'s gay lovers (whose so stretched out he needs surgery, yikes!).

Mary-Kate Ashley looks worse than ever in a Star Mag photo spread -- really very sickly, actually. But, if you're into that sort of thing, you fucking sicko, countdown to legality over with these super-sickos: "5 weeks, 2 days, 11 hours, 55 minutes, and 39 more seconds!"

Will one of the Olsens stay in the acting biz and the other one become the former's manager? So hints Liz Smith, anyway.

Now, onto an illegal chick with some goods, Lindsay Lohan. Star is reporting that she tried to pick up Colony badass Colin Farrell on the Paramount Lot, he allegedly turned her down, though. Next time Linds, try Russell Crowe, we hear that he really digs them young.

Britney flies new bf, Kevin Federline, to England for poolside romps. Does Federline talk shit about fucking Brit-Brit in bathrooms? (Sun, Page Six--5th item)

Does Anna Wintour and her bf only pay $5,800 a month for their Chelsea sub-let? Or is tenant John Frieda jacking up the rent on them? That's what we want to know. (Page Six)

Celeste Holm, famous for her supporting role in "All About Eve," marries a guy forty years her junior. Forty years! What some guys will do for puss -- er money. Cindy Adams: Giving her geriatric readers hope.

Second-generation, balding crooner Enrique Iglesias gives vixen Anna Kournikova a $5 Million dollar rock.

Who's the father of Heidi Klum's new baby girl? Racecar driver Flavio Briatore denies that it's his. Seal, however, steps into the breech -- sucka. Actually, scratch that, it's Heidi Klum for Christ's sake, and he's ugly as sin. (Rush & Molloy)

2004-05-06T10:56:00.000-04:00

Friends Finale Spoilers?

Since we have no way of verifying these Friends "spoilers," -- and Popbitch, where they come from, is notoriously unreliable --take them with more than a few grains of salt. Actually, we barely even know who the characters below even are, because we spend our Thursday nights reading long philosophical treatises by Schopenhauer and Heidegger. We did, however, read something about the Joey character being some sort of gay serial rapist. Okay honestly, what we want to know is -- did Phoebe ever once get laid during the whole ten-year run of Friends?

*The girl who is giving her baby to Chandler
and Monica gives birth to twins.
* Ross and Rachel have sex: Ross thinks they're
back together but Rachel says it's a great way
for them to finish as she heads off to Paris
* Phoebe drives Ross to the airport in her cab
to win Rachel back but it's too late.
* Ross returns home and hears Rachel on his
answermachine saying "I love you too, Ross." He
hears her yell at the air hostess "I want off
this plane" and the stewardess saying "It's
too late we're taking off."
* But then Rachel walks in - Ross proposes.
She accepts.
* Joey gets to keep the chick and the duck.

2004-05-06T10:29:00.000-04:00

Only Once a Year, Really?

"One young person in three has admitted drinking so much on a night out they were unable to do their job properly the next day. The 16 to 28-year-olds said such binges took place at least once a year, although in many cases more often." (Daily Mail--Subs.)

2004-05-06T07:28:00.000-04:00

Fleet Street Shake-Up

A huge story is developing on Fleet Street and it's much more interesting than Posh/Becks. Piers Morgan, the editor-in-chief of the London Daily Mail, a liberal tabloid, is taking heavy flack from Conservatives in Parliament for allegedly running doctored photos of abuses committed by Brit troops of Iraqi prisoners. The most inflammatory photos show prisoners, respectively, being urinated on and hit in the groin with a rifle butt. Richard Desmond’s Daily Express (no web content), which just announced a change of loyalty to the Tories, has led the attack on Morgan, who is seen by some as contemptuous of journalistic standards. The liberal broadsheets, the Independent and the Guardian are also critical of Morgan, however. Perhaps, they see this as one too many in a long line of "gaffes" committed by the outspoken editor. Interestingly, Murdoch's papers, the Times and the Sun, and Hollinger's Telegraph seem to be going easier on Morgan. In any case, Morgan is standing firm, planning to, in the words of an inside source for the Independent (which incidentally, has the best take on the story), "brazen" the scandal out. He employed a similar tactic when his paper got in hot water for accusing the US of being war criminals shortly after 9-11.

2004-05-05T14:16:00.000-04:00

Our Best Blind Item Ever?

We haven't come up with any really juicy pieces of celeb gossip lately, and we guess today is no exception, unless you can solve the following blind item:

Which tres famous Method actor was spotted by a confidant of ours copping drugs with Abel Ferrara over by Crunch on Lafayette Street? The wacky director bought some glassine envelopes from a fat Hispanic guy at around 12 AM, as his famous companion stood by, a reliable source tells us. The unnamed party was trying very hard to look inconspicuous--not so easy.

2004-05-05T12:10:00.000-04:00

And Now, a Word from That Cynical Chick

“But do the management consultants who invent the jargon even know what the hell they’re talking about? Are they any good at what they’re doing? Has anyone ever measured the efficacy of their techniques, their ‘retreats,’ their role-playing games? Just in terms of the bottom line, forgetting for a moment the insulting condescension of their disingenuous New Age game-playing, does anyone know whether their whole project has produced positive results or has just been a massive waste of time that’s kept managers away on retreats while the Jack Kelleys and the Jayson Blairs fabricate away unsupervised?”

What’s in the water this week? Ron Rosenbaum sounds off on the corporate infiltration of the old-fashioned newsroom, while Cynthia Cotts riffs on a few stabs at romancing the journo. myth. Forgive our cynicism, but haven’t these people realized journalism is as well intended yet ultimately as adulterated as politics? Sorry kids, but we don’t believe that faced with any of the corporate dilemmas the villains you decry were your behavior would be any more noble. Somehow, this sort of navel gazing and self-serving soap boxing just seems like too little, too late.

2004-05-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

Alicia Silverstone was especially fucked up at Coachella, Page Six is reporting. Also, Misca Barton was pissed off at her herpes-lipped boyfriend, Brandon Davies: "I thought you said it wasn't contagious anymore motherfucker?" she was heard yelling as she pushed him, sending him spiraling backwards. Okay, maybe she didn't say that exactly, but according to said gossip column she was very pissed off.

"Hey young world, the world is yours," sing it, bitches. While the skinny and mean Olsen, sometimes called "Mary-Kate," is still running hot and heavy with bf, Katzenberg's son, (who gives a fuck what his first name is, youknowwhatimsayin?), her fat and nice sister--Ashley--just dumped her bf, Matt Kaplan. (Page Six--8, 10th items, respectively)

We thought QEFTSG star, Ted Allen, was the unstereotypical 'mo, but apparently not, he stiffed a bathroom attendant and then said his boyfriend took care of it. C'mon man, a restroom attendant? Next time, pony up. And speaking of cheap, our own Governor, Pataki, is even cheaper. According to Page Six, after buying a couple of drinks during intermission at "Valkyrie," after paying his "$17 tab with a $20 bill, 'He thought about it for a while, then left a $1 tip and pocketed the other two bucks.'" Go back to Albany, you fuckwad. (Lloyd Grove, Page Six)

JFK Jr. never got to fuck Madonna. They couldn't sneak out of the hotel to buy a Today's sponge (it was the nineties, yo), or something, without being detected. That's what personal assistants are for and shit. Jr. did manage to get a blow job from the queen of pop, however. (Rush & Molloy)

Courtney Love is at it again, yelling out, on stage in Atlanta, "Give me back my kid and my money." Apparently, it was absolutely frightening. You know what? This isn't really even a story any more. (Rush & Molloy)

Another porn actress, this time a transsexual, has tested positive for HIV. (Reuters)

2004-05-04T16:37:00.000-04:00

Something from Our Cultural Correspondent

In preparation for our stint as Anonymous Outsider's guest blogger next week, we’ll be posting a few times this week. Of course, we wish we were going to be in a drunken stupor on a beach next week like A.O., but, hey, isn’t wasting time on the job the next best thing?

Okay, first thing first. I do not have a crush on Chris Noth. Doubtless, the guy is imminently doable, but there are far more choice morsels over whom I might care to lick my chops. And now, on to the flogging:

Could the Arts section editors at the Times have gotten it more wrong when they slugged today’s story by Julie Salamon on an arts festival being planned to coincide with the Republican National Convention, which will infiltrate New York the week before Labor Day? Republicans Lure the Arts to Politics and Protests sounds to us like the GOP is actually giving money to those wacky, tree-hugging, creative types. As it turns out, the piece begins as a snoozer about the deluge of events intended to entertain the journalists covering the convention and hopefully bring home the point that the nation’s majority is not exactly down with the Bushies’ White House antics. Fascinating. Unfortunately, most readers will have lost interest by the time Salamon gets around to talking about how some art types might be galvanized to get political.

“‘I think street theater is great, but I decided that if your intention is to defeat Bush and foil the Republican attempt to hijack our country, the most direct method is to directly engage in the political system,’ [Erik] Stowers said. So he organized Downtown for Democracy, or D4D, registered it as a political action committee and has been raising money through events intended to attract cultural types more inclined to network and party than to protest.”

Now that’s a story worth telling.

Also: What’s up with that yawner on the ivory-tickling Osmonds?

2004-05-04T14:55:00.000-04:00

The World of White

All you kids that think Courtney Love has a Heroin thing going on were proved wrong today--she has a heroin and cocaine thing going on. LA assistant DA announced today that Love, "tested positive for several illegal drugs after her October arrest, including cocaine." He did not elaborate. Kind of sweet of him, actually.

Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher allegedly attacked a German cop while drunk and high on coke (which he tested positive for, after being arrested). Gallagher engaged in plenty of fun antics that night including breaking up a concert venue, "whirling a microphone stand around like a battleaxe." Sound familiar? Gallagher's bodyguards were knocked cold by a German businessmen swinging a brass ashtray. That's it guys, don't take any shit from anybody. Eighty cops were sent out to arrest Gallagher. Eighty cops! Jesus, what a bunch of wusses.

2004-05-04T10:39:00.000-04:00

"In Touch" Stepchild to Launch

If you're the type of person that lurrvs celebrities, but are put off by the edginess of "In Touch," Bauer Publishing has the mag for you. "Life & Style Weekly" will focus on things like J.Lo's "huge designer merchandising business." Can you say "advertorial," bitches? Seriously, why bother employing a bunch of whiny, over-paid writers when you can just paste press releases into a colorful template? This kind of thinking has really seeped into the cultural zeitgeist. Last night, some blogga genius told us what "a great idea" it would be to start "a blog completely made up of press releases." It's called PR Newswire, buddy, but seriously, knock yourself out -- you'll probably get 500,000 hits a day. (Paul Colford)

2004-05-04T09:28:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

If you want gossip, forget about Page Six, come right here instead. The world-famous column has two items that we picked up from Fleet Street yesterday. If the Page Six gang isn't mining us, well, they should be.

Wannabe flacks are beating down the doors of the Learning Annex to get into a class Lizzie Grubman will be teaching about "How To Succeed in PR Without Really Trying," or something like that. Topics the leather-faced publicist will discuss include, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know" and “the felony--a great way to get publicity for your clients." Okay, in all seriousness we're sure Grubman has a lot to offer her students, we’re just worried that she'll be a little hard to understand, what, with all the teeth grinding and sniffling. (Lloyd Grove)

Tom Sizemore tests positive for methamphetimines while on probation. (Rush & Molloy-last item)

Anna Wintour is ready to throw down with Brit super-designer Alexander McQueen. Wintour, editor of Vogue, is pissed because he was a no-show at the Costume Institute Gala in New York. He was probably just avoiding Plum Sykes. (Daily Mail--subs. req)

2004-05-03T15:05:00.000-04:00

Thank Goodness, Now We Have a Correspondent For This Sort Of Thing

Although she won't be filling in for us until next week (as we lie in a drunken stupor, working on our tan), we thought you might enjoy something from our soon to be substitute blogger. Even though she pretends to like this 6,000-word New York mag profile by Jay McInerney, of Ron Gallotti (half Jewish, who knew?), we tend to think she might just have a crush on Chris Noth. Seriously though, pay attention, because she's a super smart chick and knows the media like the back of her hand. All right, we'll get out of the way now.

"It’s a question that implies a value system—a faith shared by most of the highly accomplished and celebrated New Yorkers at the wedding, whose very presence at this event certified their citizenship in a realm that they believe is more vital and more real than any other possible world. It is, in part, the faith that John Updike once nailed with his comment that real New Yorkers believe that anyone living anywhere else must, in some sense, be kidding—although it’s catholic enough to include as honorary communicants those from other parts of the world (Los Angeles and London, for instance) who get written about in the gossip columns and the business pages. It has a distinct Calvinist element—the belief of the elect in their own worthiness and in New York as the ultimate meritocracy. For its most devout adherents, Galotti’s story conjures up the secret fear of banishment and excommunication. It may also represent an even deeper fear—the nagging suspicion that our faith is an illusion."

In addition to including one of our favorite words in the piece—catholic with a small c—easy lit target Jay McInerney proves he’s got the skills to instill a fluff profile with enough insider entertainment value to hold the reader’s attention for an entire 6,000 words. Juicy bits from the Bright Light Big City author’s opus on New York publishing bad boy Ron Galloti include McInerney’s admission that he initially found Galloti to be unpolished; Gallotti’s buxom third wife being shocked by Candace Bushnell’s size 1 clothing hanging in Galloti’s closet (they were waiting to be picked up by the ex); a description of Solomon Rushdie’s wedding to Lakshmi Padma; and a cocky Tina Brown naysaying Galloti’s retirement fantasy. In our humble opine, New York hit one out of the park with this piece. Certainly farther than former ed. Caroline Miller’s serious-journo. swan song on Spaulding Gray.

2004-05-03T13:31:00.000-04:00

And She's the Well Read One, II

Apparently, not only is Plum Sykes ignorant of the differences between the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" movie and the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" novel (4/13), she thinks Truman Capote wrote “The Great Gatsby,” as well.

"For all her vaunted education - she mentions her Oxford history degree with terrifying regularity - Sykes has not yet mastered the legends of American literature. I ask her if she compares her work to The Great Gatsby?
'Yah,' she replies, 'and For all her vaunted education - she mentions her Oxford history degree with terrifying regularity - Sykes has not yet mastered the legends of American literature. I ask her if she compares her work to The Great Gatsby?"

"'Yah,' she replies, "and the other works by Truman Capote by Truman Capote.'"

Did Lee Radziwell buttonhole her at a cocktail party one night and tell her what a supreme genius Capote was, or something? Maybe she hopes that if she plugs Capote enough, he’ll use her as the inspiration for, “Tiffany’s Is For the Poor,” the “Breakfast…” sequel. We wonder what "other works" she had in mind? His seminal play, "Cat on the hot tin Roof," perhaps?

Perhaps, Sykes, with her tantrums and grandiose sense of self, is suffering from botulism poisoning brought on by too many Botox injections, too early on. More likely, though, she is just a fraud, a nepotism-hire extraordinaire, whose books are the result of close collaboration with editors and "friends." I'm sure we can expect to see more writers, like her, completely lacking in either talent or frame of reference. Why should publishers wait for a Zadie Smith (pretty and talented), when they can prop up some vacuous "It" bitch and insure a return on their investment? The only upside is that if popular literature is marked by ever-increasing frivolity, Paris Hilton and Elisabeth Kieselstein-Cord will be the flavor of the summer soon -- and then there will be no room for a high-brow genius like Plum Sykes. (Telegraph) (Gawker)

2004-05-03T11:24:00.000-04:00

Mean Girls

A few months ago, an acquaintance of ours interviewed for the position of Anna Wintour's assistant with her present two assistants. One of the girls asked our acquaintance, "(if Anna) yells out Pastis, what would you do?" Er--hit the deck, maybe? No, it turns out, that's Anna's way of saying she wants a reservation at Pastis. So, anyway, our acquaintance was quite nervous which didn't bode well for her. One of the catty assistants told her, "God, if you're nervous around us, imagine what you'll be like around Anna?" Obvs, the chick didn't get the gig.

2004-05-03T10:27:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

The Horace Mann sex tape featured a female eigth-grader, "masturbating and simulating oral sex." The girl wanted to impress the kid she had a crush on. He was so impressed, he e-mailed it to all his friends. God, those Jewish kids are still having more fun than we are. (NYM)

Britters Kabbalah tattoo on the back of her neck, which she wanted to say "new era," instead says "era new." That must be why she keeps shacking up with married men. This is the second time she's tattood herself with gibberish. (3AM)

Kathy Hilton, whose face is looking especially smooth lately (and nose especially thin), says that her new reality show won't be using her famous daughter to boost ratings. Of course, that's because when Paris was asked to help out, she said, "no fucking way! I'm A-list, bitch." Okay, we really have no verification for that last quote. (Cindy Adams--2nd to last graf)

Hugh Jackman's apartment, in the Richard Meier glass towers, is becoming a big attraction for peeping toms. Does the "Boy from Oz" star prance around in his skivvies belting out show-tunes? What, the guy doesn't close his curtains? Also, surprise, Vincent Gallo isn't making any sense. (Page Six)

Hottie Jennifer Esposito, is such a screamer that she was threatened with eviction by her East Village co-op board. Can the East Vill get any more fucking lame right now. And don't tell us to think about the children--the children are off giving each other head. "Pals" of Esposito tell Page Six that the starlet has an unnatural obsession with J-Lo. Good friends she has, that Esposito. What, Esposito wouldn't fuck Chris Wilson, or something? (Page Six--last item)

We give Elisa Lipsky-Karasz's new column a B+. Anyone that calls Martina Borgomanero Basabe's "supposed" fiancee, is allright. We'll forgive her the Lloyd Grove type stuff for now. No wonder why Cindy Adams felt like she needed to get a big "scoop."

Brad Pitt gets the June cover of Vanity Fair. (Liz Smith--2nd to last item)

Speaking of Brad Pitt, he partied over the weekend without the old ball and chain. (Roger Friedman--Last item)

Winona Ryder denies reports printed in Star mag, that her and Naomi Watts ex Heath ledger were making out in an LA club. Just once, I would like to see a celebrity flack confirm one of these celeb hook-ups. (Rush $ Molloy)

2004-05-03T08:05:00.000-04:00

No Big Scoop for Cindy Adams?

The London Daily Mail is claiming that Cindy Adams big scoop, that ran on Friday, about Camilla Parker-Bowles suffering from lung cancer, was merely a rumor, "started because Mrs PB has hardly been seen in public in the past three months." Rather comically, the paper chalks her disappearance up to all the time she has been schtupping Prince Charles in Scotland, lately. Although the Royal friendly Mail does not name Adams' column specifically, it hints that the printing of the "rumor" was irresponsible: "The report was, rightly, dismissed as ‘rubbish’ yesterday by a senior aide." (Subscription req.)

2004-05-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

In the Papers, Sort Of

I can’t remember when, exactly, I was introduced to the strange nature of Liberian history, but I must have been very young, because the Americo-Liberians we’re still firmly ensconced in power. I do remember, however, that the grammar school lesson raised more question than it answered. My teacher described a country founded by agents of Black Nationalism and racism, where the descendents of slaves had American names and customs. Further curiosity on my part yielded that her people lived in ante-bellum style mansions, spoke in Southern American accented English, wore stove-pipe hats and tails and listened to Gospel music. A Black idyll? Even as I desired to see pictures of this strange, undiscovered country (and found none, really), the dream of the place—built on rotted foundations—had collapsed. ‘Africa’s oldest republic’ was a chimera. After decades of one of the most gruesome Civil Wars in history, and the kleptocratic rule of the wicked Charles Taylor, books on Liberia still seem to raise more questions than they answer.

Rastafarianism: another Black idyll. I would sit in my father’s kitchen smoking bong hits with my friend, listening to Marley’s “Forever Loving Jah.” The pot, bought from dreads in Hunts Point, would have me wondering if the Rastas weren’t really looking for some great white father in all of this. (After all, their god, Ras Tafari--king of Ethiopia--was a very light skinned African). This was before the pot brought self-awareness, and doubt, my stoned gaze still directed outward. The sheer otherness of the religion fascinated me; worshiping, as Marley did, a living man as God. Marley, in turn, becoming a sort of adopted son of God (Tafari never spoke of his own status as deity). Now, the wife of the adopted son of God has written a memoir.

Sometimes a thing can be so terrible that it just kicks you in the fucking teeth, and you're speechless.

In Coachella: a religion we can all jam out to?

2004-04-30T15:40:00.000-04:00

Remains Of the Day Cont'd

The Post's odious Broadway hatchet-man, Michael Riedel, has a nifty little item--he claims it's coming from "Boy From Oz" wardrobe--tucked away in his column today about ex-heartthrob Ricky Martin being so paranoid about being labeled gay that he would have only considered replacing Hugh Jackman in "Boy From Oz" if the boyfriend in the show was “changed to a girlfriend.” What, afraid it would ruin your career Ricky? Douchebag. (Michael Riedel--not on web)

2004-04-30T13:52:00.000-04:00

Remains of the Day

Heidi Fleiss is the news again. She's filed a suit against the doe-eyed, carb-faced actor Tom Sizemore. Fleiss, who's famous for liking violent and hot-tempered men is "seeking unspecified damages for domestic violence and property she allegedly lost during their volatile relationship." Sizemore, when he was convicted of criminal charges related to this latest complaint, blamed his behavior on a crystal-meth habit. Yes, well, that might do it. Sizemore once claimed that Robert DeNiro had saved his life by urging him to kick a drug-habit in the early-nineties. At least, that's what we think he was going to say, because he fell asleep in mid-sentence. (Evening Standard)

Bonnie Fuller's venerable Star Mag (article not online) is reporting that Keith Ledger and Naomi Watts have finally called it quits. Ledger was also spied making out with Winona Ryder at a Hollywood hot-spot. That's it Winona, take this thing for all it's worth--this should definitely be good for some tabloid ink.

Michael Jackson appears for the first time with his new legal team. To their credit, they have seemed to urged him to tone down the bizarre antics. (MTV.com)

2004-04-30T13:27:00.000-04:00

Mourn the Wicked?

Can teenybopper Mandy Moore pull off a starring role in a Broadway show? According to Michael Musto, who's getting quite fond of the whole internetweb-thingy, producers are set to tap her for the role of Glenda, the good witch. What's going on with Kristin Chenoweth, who's playing the role quite successfully, we wonder? Not enough star power for the Great White Way?

2004-04-30T10:03:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

Has Cindy Adams been threatened with the axe? Has she gotten off her duvet to actually talk to someone? Is there really more in that famous little notebook of hers than senile doodling and measurements of Sukarno's cock? Who knows? But she did actually comes up with something new today. Camille Parker Bowles has cancer, and she's on it faster than she you can say “Jackie O.” Also, did Melania Knauss quit her job to be with the Donald? That chick had a job? Maybe golddiggers do have a union, after all. (Cindy Adams)

Luckily, for the sake of consistency there isn't only one worthless gossip column in the Post. Here's Liz Smith on some celebs' reactions to the new Cole Porter movie: "(they) said they wanted to go right back to the screening room and see the movie all over again!" Three cheers for Hollywood. Hip, hip, hooray!

"Matrix" producer, Larry Wachowski has finally finalized his divorce and is getting ready for a sex change. Hooray, another Hollywood freakshow! Remember that movie "The Adventures of Sebastian Cole?" It will be like that, except with Dolce & Gabbana dresses. Hey, whatever floats his boat. Seriously. (Rush & Molloy--2nd item)

George Marciano, founder of Guess, held some au pair hostage in his Beverly Hills home, Page Six reports. He also made her sleep in the same bed with his 10 year-old daughter? Yuck. Beverly hills cops chalk it up to "a cultural misunderstanding." No, "a cultural misunderstanding" is a redneck using a salad fork to stir his drink. But you've got to give it to those Beverly Hills cops, boy. (Page Six)

Jessica Dee is the third porn performer to test positive for HIV. Is this really 1987? God, for her sake, let's hope not. The government is just as fucking evil as it was back then, though. (Fleshbot)

2004-04-29T16:04:00.000-04:00

Journalistic Values, Schmalues

A 66 year-old Ohio priest has been accused of being a satanist and a murderer. Of course, Fleet Street is on it. Is the graf below from the News of the World or the Daily Sport, no, it's from the venerable London Independent, a competitor of the Guardian and Times of London. Makes you kind of wish that NYC had a nice broadsheet war too, huh?

"Some of (the nun's) testimony seemed unbelievable - particularly when she described being placed in a coffin crawling with cockroaches, being forced to eat a human eyeball and be penetrated with a snake to consecrate her orifices to Satan. She said the priests had killed children, mutilated dogs and performed an abortion on her as part of their devil-worship."

2004-04-29T14:06:00.000-04:00

Loose Ends

Britney Spears has a stalker. A 25-year old Canadian, Daniel Lachance, was arrested for criminal trespassing in Kentwood, Louisiana today. But honestly, if the poor guy could just be introduced to Britters, he'd probably have half a chance. I mean, have you seen a picture of the guy she's fucking now? Of course, it would help if he had a wife, and stalkers never had wives. (Evening Standard)

Roger Friedman is reporting that Elizabeth Wurtzel is going to Yale Law. Apparently, she just hasn't been depressed enough lately. Well, she can write "Prozac Nation, Part Deux" now. (Last item)

2004-04-29T11:44:00.000-04:00

More Gossip Fun

Since we truck in gossip, and not much is happening today, we thought we'd provide you with this post from a thread over at the Data Lounge. The guy posting compares some gossip columnists (imagine, Lloyd Grove didn't make the list!), for pure skank value:

Richard Johnson - talentless, drunken, philandering Republican schill for Rupert Murdoch.

Cindy Adams - D-list social climber who writes like she learned diction form Al Capone.

Liz Smith - sell out in every sense of the term who dresses like Barbara Stanwyck in Big Valley.

Ted Casablancas - has no gossip to speak of and writes like one of the Olson twins after a lobotomy.

Billy Masters - aged joke. (Ed.--um, who?)

Later on in the thread, someone posts about being hit on by Ted Casablancas (he's "creepy;" well, duh) and another two people post, respectively, that Richard Johnson drunkenly cavorts at parties with a "Piss-stained crotch" and is notoriously small. Heh. But for sure zaniness, it's hard to beat the dude that misses Rona Barrett. Apparently, she's still alive.

2004-04-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

A.O. Gossip

Sydney Pollock, the director, actor and TCM shill, is starting to get so paranoid that he wants an armed bodyguard whenever he goes someplace in the city. Sydney, take our word for it, nobody knows who the fuck you are.

Which model and wannabe actress, after getting sniffy with her friends in the bathroom of the Marquee, needed a little reminder to wipe the powder off her nose? Nice save, girlfriend.

2004-04-29T10:44:00.000-04:00

And We Thought John Leonard was a Successful Television Critic

"Steely-featured, heavy-browed, Henry Luce had burst forth from Presbyterian missionaries in the Orient in 1898. Whither would this nervy creature go? Luce, inflamed by wars abroad, delivered in Time his own squalling babe to cry abbreviated tales of adventures far and wide. In its pages was born a sub-child: the prose of inversion and neologisms."

2004-04-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

Young, rich and nearly talented? Want to announce to the world that the gossips have been right all along in saying you're a couple, what do you do? If your Sofia Coppola (A-list, baby) and Quentin Tarantino you have the NY Times throw you a bash--Keller's such a starfucker and all. (Page Six--5th item)

Fabian Basabe is getting betrothed to Italian blue blood Martina Borgomanero reports Rush & Molloy. Are Basabe's parents getting tired of hearing about their son's not-so-masculine antics and trying to shush it up the old-fashioned way? Wait, "not-so-masculine" is liking a nice suit and being worried about your tan--Fabian Basabe is, as Star Mag would say, "GAY." (2nd to last item)

Is new Uma Thurmond beau Andre Balazs mobbed up? Beating down valets, trying to take niggas out in a flurry of buckshot in front of celebs? If it's true, Hawke, forget about her. The good ones always fall for the bad guys. (Cindy Adams)

Rush $$ Molloy are really in the damage control biz today as, in addition to the above Basabe item, they are also announcing that Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt are in the works of "starting a family." Sure they are, sure they are.

Is MGM set to make "Rocky" without Sly Stallone? Jesus, that's like doing "Batman" without Adam West. Oh wait... (Liz Smith)

Anna Wintour--Tan? (Page Six--7th item)

2004-04-28T14:17:00.000-04:00

"Friends" Lawsuit a Doozy

The TV show “Friends” has been slapped with a $2m dollar lawsuit by a former writer’s assistant. That’s all? C’mon baby, this is the big time. According to the woman, Amaani Lyle, the show's writers talked about performing an "unnatural sex act" on Jennifer Aniston and made fun of Courtney Cox's anatomy and her inability to conceive children. Youch, those bitches! Also, whoever drew up the lawsuit is seemingly not without a sense of humor because it accuses the same writers of "speculating on whether (Cox) was 'competently sexually servicing her boyfriend at the time, David Arquette.'" Lastly the woman accuses the writers of joking, "'about David Schwimmer's sexuality; and discussed making Matt LeBlanc's character, Joey, a rapist.'" We'd rather see Joey serially raped by David Schwimmer's character (er—Chandler?). Now that would be a sit-com. (Evening Standard) (Media Bulletin)

2004-04-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Just One of Those Days

There's this guy around here that likes to call himself my "boss" and run around telling people what to do. "I pay your salaries around here," "Do this, do that," "waaah!" He seems so sure of him self; I just don't have the heart to disabuse him of the notion. So, I just bide time, and wait for his doctor to double his meds, but in the meantime I do what he tells me. In other words, there probably won’t be anything new today...

2004-04-27T17:14:00.000-04:00

New Guardian Mag

The Guardian is set to launch a stand-alone public service magazine, titled Public, to be published ten times a month. The Guardian already has one stand-alone title--Money Observer and several magazine supplements, including G2 and Observer Magazine. Despite the Guardian's erudite content it often strikes a playful tone in G2 and OM. Judging from the press release, however, Public will be take a drier approach to its specialized subject matter. (Via Mediabistro)

2004-04-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

Loose Ends

"Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry is getting divorced for the second time, it was announced today." (Evening Standard)

Lizzie Grubman aimed intentionally at partygoers three years ago, a forensics report has announced. No shit, really? (NYDN)

2004-04-27T13:42:00.000-04:00

Here We Go Again

Remember Bill Clinton's $250 haircut on the runway of Air Force One? Well, John Kerry has upped the ante, spending--according to Matt Drudge--$1,000 dollars on a haircut. And I say... You know it bitch! He was going on "Meet the Press," not some Fox News show, and he needed to look good. Also, hey, you can't forget about inflation.

2004-04-27T12:32:00.000-04:00

Requiem for a Dreamer

Hubert Selby Jr. died of heart disease yesterday. He was seventy-five.
"'There was that generation of writers: William Burroughs, Henry Miller, and there was Hubert Selby. And he's one of the last of that generation, of some of the greatest writers in this country.'"

2004-04-27T10:17:00.000-04:00

American Beauty

"‘Kevin, to the best of my knowledge, has never had a real relationship with anyone except our mother. He’s an empty vessel.’" --Kevin Spacey's Brother

Kevin Spacey's brother, Randall Fowler, is, according to the London Mail on Sunday, writing a book called "I’m Spacey’s Brother Whether He Likes It Or Not." In it, the failed musician will recount Spacey's bizarre upbringing at the hands of a Nazi homosexual rapist. Wait huh? Doesn't that remind you of a certain movie? Randall claims that while he was raped at the hands of his father over and over again, Kevin was sly enough to escape punishment by tying himself to his mother's apron strings. He does look like a sly one--that Spacey--doesn't he?

Anyhoo, in the 1980's Randall asked his brother the question that had been preying upon him for his whole life. "Is his brother gay or not?" Because, after a childhood spent being raped by a sadistic monster, wouldn't that be the question that kept you awake at night? Spacey answered, “'I don’t consider myself heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, just sexual”’ then patted his brother lightly on the ass, winked at him and walked out of his life forever. (Daily Mail--Subscription) (Rush & Molloy--2nd item)

2004-04-27T09:44:00.000-04:00

We're in Favor of a More Direct Approach

American Francophiles have a new way to prove their superior sensibilities while sending a message to Bush that they hate him. Handbags inscribed with, "'We're sorry our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him' -- inscribed in French" are selling out of stores all over the country. Not exactly priced like Birkens, we expect. You know, this isn't such a bad idea, but do you really think many Republicans understand the most elementary French? We're in favor of a more direct bon mot when dealing with Dubya, like "fuck you dickhead." In English.

2004-04-26T11:26:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip

Baywatch babe Gena Lee Nolin has joined that exclusive band of starlets who have had sex tapes starring them released. Her ex-husband Greg Fahlman is pedaling it for upwards of a million bucks to web sites. What a sweetheart. (News of the World)

Paris Hilton is sporting a larger cup size lately. (Daily Mirror)

Lenny Kravitz can't sell his Tribeca pad for $12 million. (Daily Mirror)

VF's George Wayne scored a round-trip ticket to Russian Fashion Week from garment companies, but has only attended one of fifty-five shows. The more important question, though, is: What does Page Six have against George Wayne? (10th item)

Speaking of Page Six having it out for someone, they're claiming that Woodward and Bernstein are frauds, having invented Deep Throat to cover-up the fact that they were on the receiving end of leaks from the CIA. But what about the movie? You know... Jason Robards as Ben Bradlee and all.

Cardinal Egan might try to block John Kerry from attending the Al Smith dinner because of Kerry's views on abortion. Or could it be because of Egan's lifelong Republican sympathies? (Rush & Molloy)

Nicole Kidman was spotted having dinner with Rupert Murdoch. What the hell could they have talked about? Last month Kidman was rumored to be having an affair with an older Rothschild. (Jeanette Walls--Last item)

Kerry's people are worried about the release of a Clinton memoir, slated for June. (NYM-2nd item)

Never really the proud one, Robert Evans is shilling some ab crunching contraption with the help of Liz Smith. And Sharon Stone admits to (ohmygod we almost can't say it) liking sex. Smith actually reports "there were some gasps" at the admission. Maybe the crowd was surprised because Stone didn't flash her Beaver while saying it.

2004-04-26T10:54:00.000-04:00

Elvis Mitchell is Off to the Chicago Tribune

Everybody wants to know where Elvis Mitchell is going to land next. Well, we have the scoop kids. A Chicago Tribune insider tells us that the former NY Times critic is heading over to the Tribune, which has coveted him for some time now. The Tribune needs a big name to go up against Ebert and Roeper, who are both at the rival Sun-Times.

2004-04-26T10:46:00.000-04:00

Blind Fun

"Which A-list babe hides a sordid junkie past? The gorgeous girl regularly used heroin to keep her weight down for photo-shoots. Not exactly model behaviour..."

We think "used" is the key here. So, it's probably not Naomi Campbell because she's still a junkie. That narrows it down to every supermodel that worked in the nineties.

2004-04-26T09:53:00.000-04:00

In the Paper: "Raisin in the Sun"

There was an interesting review of a new Sidney Poitier biography in the NYTBR yesterday. I was surprised to learn that the well-spoken Poitier was "functionally-illiterate" well into his 20's. Richard Schickel, the reviewer, reminds the reader that Poitier's success in Hollywood had as much to do with his physical beauty as anything else. He looked good just standing still.

Poitier came from extremely humble roots to become the biggest African-American movie star of all time. Perhaps his miserable experiences in whitey's segregated army had something to do with his incredibly successful characterization of Walter Lee Younger in "The Raisin in the Sun." Hansberry's play is one of the two most effective takes on the failures of the American Dream (the other is Miller's "Death of a Salesman").

So, it bothered me when I heard the mackalicious Puff Daddy was going to tread the boards as Walter Lee. He would almost surely play the part with enough bathos to make George C. Wolfe's character in "The Colored Museum"--who is killed for over-acting--envious. Any doubt that I had to this effect was put to rest by yesterday's profile of the mogul as thespian. No matter how many A-listers like Demi Moore kiss Puffy's fat ass for attempting such a seminal role, how many acting coaches, elocution coaches and tutors the play's director hires for his star, and how many apologists Puffy has in the press, this will surely be one of Broadways most pathetic moments; until he’s interviewed by James Lipton for “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” of course.

2004-04-26T09:27:00.000-04:00

We'd Like to See "The Ethicist" Field This One

"Getting myself in the mood for a conventional 'quickie' has always been reasonably easy, but with my current lover that means lying across his knee for half an hour while he spanks me, after which he will want to perform anilingus on me, then enter me anally." (London Observer Magazine)

(Ed.--We're getting a new computer in our office this morning so posting may be light.)

2004-04-23T12:38:00.000-04:00

Irrefutable Logic

Mary Kate Olsen (the skinny and mean one) on why it's impossible that she has a drug problem:

"If I had a drug addiction, I would be in a thingy - like Promises, the Malibu (rehabilitation) place. You don't see me there. So, like, come on. It's crazy."

In all probability, however, her denials probably reflect the truth. In fact, she hasn't really been accused of being a junkie. What has been splashed all over, are pictures chronicling her anorexia. Star mag and In Touch both have features regarding her probable eating disorder. Star has an interesting theory that MK is, "upping the ante in her quest for individuality by becoming skeletal thin." Indeed this picture shows that all the tell-tales signs are there (see especially the ultra-thin legs).
(Ed.--Excuse us for hurdling even further down-market today.)

2004-04-22T17:50:00.000-04:00

AJG is Off to the Post II

In a post earlier today regarding the departure of Anna Jane Grossman from the Observer, we wrote that she would be staying on to write the NYO’s wedding column. However, a savvy source informs us that this is not the case. Although the Peach sheets will probably run an item that she has already written in next week's issue, AJG will be writing exclusively for the NY Post from now on.
The confusion arose because in the email that I cited, Grossman wrote that she could still be contacted at her second NYO email address (the “Countdown to Bliss” one).

2004-04-22T11:26:00.000-04:00

More Than a Few Drinks on Fleet Street

The owner of the London Express went completely bat-shit at a board meeting with German directors of the Telegraph, the Guardian is reporting. Not only did he accuse the German executives of being Nazis, giving them a "sieg-hiel" style salute; when they objected he called them "fucking cunts" and "fucking wankers" and challenged them to a fight: "want to come outside and sort it out, then?" We knew the British press liked to take a few drinks at lunch, but Jesus...

"Express owner Richard Desmond today launched an extraordinary tirade against Telegraph bosses at a meeting of their joint venture print works, hurling a string of abuse and goosestepping around a boardroom in mockery of a German newspaper group's bid for the paper." (Media Guardian-reg req)

2004-04-22T07:10:00.000-04:00

Gone Blind

Which married laywer and nouveau riche mogul with a huge appetite and famous line of books is keeping someone on the side?

2004-04-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

Anna Jane Grossman--Into the Soft Bosom of Lachlan Murdoch

The Observer's cutesy gossip columnist, Anna Jane Grossman, is off to the NY Post. A media insider leaked an email to us in which Grossman informs her colleagues that from now on, she would be writing for the Post. Will she be writing for Page Six? Judging from the email, it sure looks like it. Grossman writes that she will be covering a "similar" beat for the Post to the one she covered at the Observer.

Although AJG won't be writing items for the Transom anymore, she is staying on at the peach sheets to write "Countdown to Bliss."

2004-04-22T06:50:00.000-04:00

Kind of Makes the "Eye Game" Seem Pretty Lame Huh?

Wow. We knew that the tube cars are a little bit smaller than our's and that the announcer melliflously says "mind the gap please," instead of bellowing "watch your step, motherfucker," but we didn't know just how different the London Underground is from the NYC Subway:

"Eventually, she dared me to meet her by the toilets at the mainline station we were both commuting to. We met, and we had sex. And I guess that was my first 'tooth. Perhaps the first 'tooth." (London Independent)

2004-04-22T06:40:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip--Mine and Mined Edition

Uma Thurmond, for reasons that one doesn't need to attend the New York Psychoanalytic Institute to decipher, says of Rebecca Loos: “I’m not sure whether she’s trash or tramp — I’d say tramp." Youch. (Sun)

Vanity Fair's George Wayne puts the squeeze on a nightclub manager for first-class tickets. (Page Six-5th item)

Jamie Johnson gets his Uncle Richard to put him in Page Six again. Uh-oh, now Casey is going to get all bitchy at the family reunions. She's had a bit of a dry spell. As that crazy Russian used to say, "what a country!" (Page Six-2nd to last item)

Liz Smith hints that a a J-Lo--Marc Anthony vehicle might be in the works. Who's going to making it, Televisa? (6th graf)

Michael Jackson is indicted. (ABC)

Last night, at a Saatchi & Saatchi party for the company's CEO, Kevin Roberts, who has just published a book, we looked at a huge canvas along with Ben Widdecombe of the NYDN, Paula Froelich of Page Six and a charming, but tipsy Anthony Hayden Guest. The canvas had written on it, among other things: "Damien Hirst owes me nothing, but Tracy Emin owes me everything" and "Ben Roberts owes me money." Owes you money? My lord. Didn't Rogers pay like 20 grand for that thing?

2004-04-21T16:27:00.000-04:00

Department of Really Bad Ideas

A California Pediatrician and mother of two, Claudia Jensen, is touting the idea of prescribing Marijuana to teenagers to alleviate symptoms of ADHD. She has testified to congress that the drug, either brewed into a tea or made into a candy (I kid you not) would be a much safer alternative to Ritalin, a form of amphetamine: "Why would anyone want to give their child an expensive pill … with unacceptable side effects, when he or she could just go into the backyard, pick a few leaves off a plant and make tea for him or her instead?" the good doctor posited to a Congressional Subcommittee on drug policy.
Yes, this is an incredibly intelligent idea. We've noticed that it's always the stoners that have the best grade point averages. Trippy, hydroponic weed seems especially conducive to learning. In fact, we can't think of any drug that's worse for one's attention span than pot. Anyone that's done a bong hit and tried to sit down and write a term paper can tell you that it's an exercise in futility. Then again, this story comes from Fox news, and as we all know--they're smoking crack. (FNC {via Whirred Peas})

2004-04-21T15:23:00.000-04:00

Gone Blind

Pssst... I've heard about this a couple of times now, so nice guy that I am I've decided to pass it along, minus the name, of course:

Which playwright and sometime director, that had a hit in the late 90's, is having a lot of trouble finding backers for his work lately? Rumor is, they are nervous because they think that the reason why his last couple of plays flopped was because they were cast with little more than his sexual gratification in mind. Don't worry too much though; his stuff was pretty lousy anyway.

2004-04-21T14:01:00.000-04:00

Media Loose Ends

Tony Blair has criticized Fleet Street for their coverage of the Beckham scandal, saying the Brit tabloids have invaded the Beckham family's privacy. Ironically, (but not surprisingly) although Brit tabs have experienced a whopping boost in sales as a result of "Becksgates" a poll reveals that 85% of the UK public is of the opinion that "the disclosures about Beckham's alleged affairs should have been kept private. (Guardian-reg req)

The loathsome Bill O'Reilly has called a Canadian columnist a douche-nozzle. The columnist, John Doyle, earned the badge of honor by coming out in favor of Fox News being broadcast in Canada so people can laugh at it. Moreover, O'Reilly's on-air comments motivated his viewers to send Doyle thousands of hateful emails. Surprise, surprise: O'Reilly's sublimely eloquent fans used the opportunity to call Canadians assholes, pussies and to wish Doyle a "fucked up day." (Via Romenesko)

Tom Scocca reports that Ben Stein will be writing for the newly redesigned Times Sunday Business section. Ben Stein served as a speechwriter for Richard Nixon. That means that the gray lady now features two former Nixon hacks (Safire was similarly employed.) What fun. As far as the redesign goes, yeah it was nifty and colorful, but it furthers the trend of graphics taking up a large portion of a section's front page. The news loses out; form truimphs over content. (NYO)

The late Mike Kelley hated Sid Blumenthal so much that he refused to even be in the same room as him. Kelley felt that Blumenthal was a Clinton foot soldier and had no loyalty to the New Yorker. Heavens! A journalist working for a Presidential Administration? Whoever heard of such a thing? (Lloyd Grove)

2004-04-21T12:07:00.000-04:00

Ode to Windows of the World er--Asiate

We are suddenly filled with a kind of admiration for Amanda Hesser. Last night we dined at Asiate, and this is the best review we could come up with:

Hark, what a view!
Is it more polite to put the lime in your glass,
or off to the side?
$475 for overcooked lobster
Good stuff man

In light of this complete failure of our senses, Hesser plugging Jean George seems almost admirable.

2004-04-21T11:35:00.000-04:00

Well, When You Put it That Way: Who Wouldn't Have Done It?

"Mr. Pennington asserted that he had gotten his landlord’s permission to have the rented cottage depicted in the mass media. 'I was like, ‘Dude, I’m gonna fix up your place and put it in magazines. This is what I do. I’m gonna make your fucking little shack here look fucking awesome!’" (NYO)

2004-04-21T11:18:00.000-04:00

Are They Also Going To Institute the Old "Paper Bag Test?*"

"...this club did not want just any moneyed men. Rap stars, Hollywood glitterati and professional athletes - what Mr. Lopez-Pierre labels the 'ghetto-fabulous crowd' - would not be welcome."

2004-04-21T10:26:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip--We All Know Tara Reid's a Junkie

The 3AM girls, a trio of heavily vetted debbies that write for the London Daily Mirror, has an interesting blind item today about a home video made with two "top models" that shows them "snorting substances." The video will allegedly hit the web soon. Let's just hope it's not Alex Best or Jordon or something. In the UK "top model" can mean just about anything.

Tara Reid has been spotted all over NYC, completely fucked up. Let's just put our cards on the table: she's not "drunk," she's on heroin. There, don't we all feel better? (Lloyd Grove--last item)

Clairol was considering using Omarosa in an ad campaign, but got so much flack they've decided against it. We think she should be selling toothpaste. (Jeanette Walls)

Love is blind. So is Anne Leary. Look baby, if your husband isn't fucking Liz Hurley he's fucking someone. (Rush & Molloy-4th item)

Not even her saggy boob could save this one; Janet Jackson's latest album, Damita Jo, tanks. (Roger Friedman--3rd item)

2004-04-21T09:58:00.000-04:00

Paula Abdul: "I Can't Button my Pants."

Apparently, our mother was right when she told us "only let the manicurist push back your cuticles;" if only Paul Abdul would have gotten such good advice. In what surely marks one of the most bizarre injuries ever sustained by a celebrity, the Post is reporting: "Abdul underwent surgery at Cedars Sinai Hospital Monday after a manicure went awry." Simon Cowell's sidekick is quoted as saying "I almost lost my thumb." She also states that the wound is so serious that she "can't button (her) pants." Yikes, baby.

2004-04-20T14:26:00.000-04:00

What William F. Buckley Will Sound Like When He Finally Loses His Mind

Taki, who sometimes writes cultural essays for the New Criterion, has a column in Conrad Black's Spectator called "High Life." Now, if anyone reads this space frequently, they will notice that we sometimes write about the evil of political conservatives. There is another type of conservative, however, and that's the insane conservative. Any guesses on which category we put Taki in? Here he defends the French from Michael Winner's calumnies.

"What I’ve always adored in French women is their sensibility and chic. As with most women, their reasoning faculties are small, but this has to do with anatomical reasons. (A woman’s brain is smaller than a man’s, but her organs of sense and anterior part of the brain are larger)." (Reg. req)

2004-04-20T13:04:00.000-04:00

Brian Williams: The Thinking Man's Newsreader

"Brian Williams, a self-appointed steward of broadcast seriousness, places the blame for the demise of the news on the ascent of its more entertaining aspects. He mournfully tells Collins he will probably be the last anchor wearing a tie."

2004-04-20T09:04:00.000-04:00

New Cyber-Sex Craze

Those crazy British, who brought us dogging, have spawned another wild sex craze. Toothing is a method of cyber sex using Bluetooth technology. There is even a grand Poo-bah of toothing, with the apt if uninventive name of Toothy Toothing that has started a website devoted to helping people Tooth. One of the forum's toothers, Electro Chocalate Girl (who we expect is a 6'2, creamy toothed National Front member) writes: "i was thinking that while i was waiting for my train at kings cross, someone could come and keep me company?" Further down the thread "she" gets angry because "she" "had more luck in cardif (sic)." (Reuters) (Toothing Forum)
(Reuters link via The Blueprint)

2004-04-20T06:41:00.000-04:00

Times to Get Makeover

WWD is reporting (subscription) that the Times will be publishing a newly re-packaged magazine twice a year. it will consist of what is now the twice a year Fashions of The Times, Style & Entertaining, Men’s Fashions and Home Design inserts. At the very least, it will be easier to cart out to the recycling bin. Does anybody really read those things?

2004-04-20T06:01:00.000-04:00

Mined Gossip, Bulldog Edition

Elite is for sale. Execs for the famous modelling agency, which could do no wrong in the 90's, but has flagged badly as of late are blaming its financial collapse on a "$4.7 million judgment awarded to a former employee exposed to second-hand smoke." We, however, tend to think it's all the drugs they had to provide Naomi Campbell that finally sunk that ship. (Page Six-6th Item)

Page Six hints that something might be amiss with socialite Rachel Peters' story that her purse was stolen in the lobby of the Miami Ritz Carlton. Because of her misfortune Peters, the granddaughter of irving Berlin (we know what a social draw that must make her!) had to ride back on a pal's private jet. The poor, poor dear. (7th item)

Is infamous lothario Chris noth losing his touch? He only manages to get G-rated action from a British TV star. (Sun, Daily Mirror)

Lauren Bush is encouraging students the country over to donate 19 cents a day to alleviate drought in Africa. 19 cents, Jeez! We don't all have Halliburton money to throw around. (Rush & Molloy-5th item)

2004-04-20T05:13:00.000-04:00

Does Anyone like Kimora-Lee Simmons?

Kimora Lee Simmons isn't making any friends in New York Society (surprise). First she shows up forty-five minutes late for the Martha Graham Gala which she was chairwoman of. As the event featured her own Professor Henry Higgins, Andre Leon Talley, it was a particularly diva-ish move. Then, as Page Six reports, she lied to WWD (subscription) about winning the bid to name a Manolo after her. I mean, didn't she think anyone would find out? From the clipping: "(Kimora) won, of course, but at a pretty penny: $16,000." In fact, some fancy-pants podiatric surgeon, Dr. Suzanne Levine, won the right to name the shoe for 20 G's. Who knew podiatry was so lucrative?

Moreover, the Minneapolis Star Tribune (reg req) is carrying by far the best version of the bidding war. The paper's columnist, C.J., describes an all out cat fight between Kimora Lee and Dr. Levine replete with the Phat-farm designer alternately yelling and pleading. A source for the paper quotes Kimora as saying: "Please, please don't bid against me. I'm the chairperson of this party, and I really want the shoes." Maybe the NYDN should hire this C.J. to replace Lloyd Grove.

2004-04-20T05:01:00.000-04:00

Trafficking in Rumor

Okay, so who's the horny New York film critic mentioned on Gawker? Of course, we can't be sure, but since were not one to pass up an opportunity to tie together innuendo and circumstantial evidence our money is on the rumor being about Elvis Mitchell. We're not saying the rumor is true, mind you, we're just saying that the rumor may very well be about said film critic. Mitchell has been a guest lecturer at for Harvard for two years.

2004-04-19T15:42:00.000-04:00

Somehow, Inspiration Through Cough-Syrup Just Lacks a Certain Something

"Like lots of great musical stories, this one wouldn't be the same without drugs. In this case, the drug is prescription-strength cough syrup, the kind that contains codeine, and it has long been the intoxicant of choice in Houston's hip-hop community."

2004-04-19T14:43:00.000-04:00

The Army of the White Stripes

On Saturday night, a boisterous friend and I were walking down Second Avenue. All of the sudden, he stops and cranes his neck into a bunch of rock and roll types walking in the opposite direction (I thought that they had probably just finished a set at the Continental) does a double pump fist and yells "Hey Whiteys!"

All of the sudden Jack White is all high-fiving my friend saying "yo, no-one ever calls us that." Then, I realize that Meg White is standing right behind her brother, her hair colored at the tips. Before their two bodyguards/friends can jostle them away my friend says "Jack, where's Renee?" Jack turns around and shakes his head sadly as if to say 'dude, I thought you guys were cool.' I also shake my head solemnly, in the universal sign for 'dude, it wasn't me, my buddy's a tool, I thought you guys were some band from the continental.'

Apparently, though, one of the bodyguards/friends thinks I'm full of shit and stands over me and says "you're a fucking dick, man." My friend thinks this is laugh at loud hilarious.

As the White posse walks away I turn to my friend and say "I would totally do Meg White." He answers "I bet they get really good coke."

2004-04-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

Novelists Have Vendela Vida, Bloggers Have Anna Marie Cox

Anna Marie Fox (that's right I said Fox), was profiled in the Styles section yesterday. The piece starts out as a takedown, but for whatever reason winds up grudgingly bestowing some praise on Cox. Perhaps the worst shot the writer of the article, Julie Bosman, takes is the following, about Cox's dismissal from the American Prospect: "(Cox was) required to sign a confidentiality agreement about the terms of her dismissal."
Well, that could really mean any number of things, now couldn't it Ms. Timesman? The Times had plenty of time to either find out why the fuck she was fired or leave it alone. As we all know; Wonkette has no such editorial luxuries.
Later on, Bosman writes: "she told (Denton) about a few tips she said were too ridiculous to mention on the blog." Okay, I can tell you what one of those items was, and it really proves her point that she's not looking to libel anyone.
A couple of months ago, a friend of mine (without my knowledge) sent Wonkette the following blind item from my blog (3/18):
"What very famous senior senator once slapped his press secretary when the poor flack couldn't come through with a coke connection? The flack was so humiliated he quit the high profile job."
Of course, I would have filled in the blanks for her. I'm sure she's gotten some other hot ones in her tips box, but if I can help give you the whole story, hey, that's what I'm here for. Anyway, let's hear it for Ana Marie, our side's Matt Drudge.

2004-04-19T07:46:00.000-04:00

Plum Horrible

Nick Denton's minions were all over the gray lady yesterday and it was lovely (see also Styles). Choire put in some work trashing Plum Sykes new piece of tripe "Bergdorf Blondes:"

"...the publication of this book demands that you rouse yourself from the couch this very second and set out to loot and burn Manhattan. Meet us at Da Silvano and bring weapons."

'Oh Ana he's so mean!' We're sure Plum is sobbing on the cold, bony and lifeless shoulder of Ana Wintour right now.

Sicha describes a scene in which Sykes' heroine gets dumped:

"after a tumultuous interlude of oral sex -- during which she text-messages Julie (Bergdorf)"

Wow, that's amazing; texting a friend and blowing a PH at the same time! It’s a feat that would make even Paris Hilton proud and Hilton never read Madame Bovary. Okay, neither did Plum Sykes, but we bet she's read the Cliff Notes. Really, we can't figure out which is scarier; the possibility that Sykes has read Madame Bovary or the possibility that she hasn't. (NYTBR)

2004-04-19T07:28:00.000-04:00

Guardian Variety Erotica

If the UK has someone like Daniel Radosh, that person needs to take a long look at this article in the London Observer magazine. It's by this chick "Jane Fairfax," (also the name of an Austenite novel using the characters of “Emma”) who purports to be a former "journalist for a magazine in Manhattan. (Who) lost (her) job in post-9/11 cutbacks."

Fairfax's first line, set off sirens for me: "Being a dominatrix is much like being a journalist." Then, "Journalists are supposed to tell the truth. A dominatrix tells the story her client would like to hear." In other words being a dominatrix is a lot like being Stephen Glass, you make up wild fantasies and then you pray that your editor will believe them.

There is no way to verify anything in the piece. It features no locations or names other than New York City. The last line states: “some names have been changed.” Like whose, the author's maybe? The writer uses age old stereotypes: “I see a lot of Wall Street types who go for bondage and humiliation. Lawyers, actors…” and boilerplate Victorian old lechers: “a small, fit, grey-haired gentleman who wears black shoes and socks and nothing else while he spanks us (we are naughty schoolgirls, forever being sent to the headmaster's office for reprimand) and a sickly man who arrives with a nurse and a tube of oxygen .” Okay, this might be the most blatant fabrication in a news magazine we’ve ever read.

The writer tries to turn on us on with Penthouse Forum type lesbian erotica: “We are always desperate for blondes. But you try to find a fair-haired, fetish-friendly woman under the age of 25 who has no tattoos or facial piercings. And one whom I haven't slept with...” LOL, baby, don’t we know it!

She writes of a vice cop that comes to examine the girls and check if it is “a clean house,” meaning that the girls don’t fuck their clients. She describes the encounter as if it’s New York police procedure to do this sort of thing. It’s not.

Okay, one more quote that we can’t pass up: “New staff are referred to as FNGs - Fucking New Guys.” Are you sure you’re not confusing your stint as a Domme with your tour of Vietnam, dear?

Fairfax claims not to give her clients any sexual release whatsoever. Anybody that has ever known a Domme knows they try to foist this song and dance on anyone that will listen and that it’s complete bullshit. It really makes us think that not only was this reporter never a Dominatrix she didn’t do her homework either. She probably talked to someone in a bar and pitched the story complete with her travails as a downsized journalist. Moreover, Observer editors probably let this one go, hoping it would fly under the radar (as it probably will). (London Observer Magazine)

2004-04-19T07:25:00.000-04:00

We'll Just Stick With The Blood Pudding Then, Thanks

"Liver in lager, the speciality of chef Aubrey in Mike Leigh's Life is Sweet, won't be the half of it. There will be Marmite ice creams paired with peanut butter foams. There will be pork belly jellies with sardine pralines and truffles of maple syrup emulsified with anchovy." (London Observer Magazine)

2004-04-16T08:43:00.000-04:00

$250,000, A Book Deal and a One-Way Ticket Back to Palookaville

By now you know Bill Rancic, also known known as the "white guy" and alternately the "cigar chomper" won "The Apprentice." So, what the hell was up with the now famous Page Six "spoiler" item? It was obviously a feint by Gordon Geck-- er-- Donald Trump's PR machine. You think they'd pull that shit for "Survivor?" Well, maybe; they take out people's trash all the time. Personally, we're not surprised that Rancic won Burnett's backstab-o-rama. Kwame was way to smooth and polished for a vulgarian like Trump. So, we guess our boy from Chicago will be running Trump Ice. Hooray for him! (E! Online) (Business Wire)

2004-04-15T14:33:00.000-04:00

This One's on Me, Bayer

Levitra, the new kid on the block has a new, more explicit campaign that features a sultry brunette saying: "For him Levitra works — just look at that smile..." This is an evolution from the first campaign, which featured a couple of old-timers slow dancing in a dark living room.
We have a feeling that the ad-man and pill-pushers working on these campaigns just can't shake the fun of working on these accounts. Take a look at what they said to the AP in regards to their respective drug sales:
"We have reached iconic stature. People associate erectile dysfunction with Viagra,"
"We've done an impressive job in our launch. This is not a sprint."
“Iconic stature," "impressive launch," "not a sprint--" holy double entendres.

So, we'd like to pitch our own Levitra ad:
Fade in: an Anna Nicole Smith type buxom gold digger lays on her back on a huge bed next to an ancient, wrinkled old man. The old man has a huge leering grin and the woman is playing with the few hairs left on his scalp. She says: "I married the old coot for his money, but I stay for the sex."
Voice Over: "Levitra--Keeping the young lady happy."
Fade Out.

2004-04-15T14:02:00.000-04:00

Darwin 101--LA Style

"Sexual selection is meant to explain how things like a peacock’s ornamental tail —obviously a hindrance to survival (have you ever tried running away from a predator with a kite tied to your ass?) — exist..." (LA Weekly)